Sometimes, people ask, “What are your plans today?” and you’re either not in the mood to answer seriously, or you want to inject a little humour into the conversation.
Whether you’re busy or just plan on binge-watching TV, a funny response can turn a simple question into an entertaining exchange.
Below are 20 witty comebacks that’ll get a good laugh, no matter what your real plans are. Use these to add some humour to your day—and theirs!
Top List Of Funny Responses to “What Are Your Plans Today?”
- “I’m thinking about doing nothing, but I haven’t made a final decision yet.”
- “I’m booked solid with some serious napping.”
- “Probably trying to become a millionaire, but I’ll settle for finding socks that match.”
- “World domination, but I’ll start with organizing my closet.”
- “I’ve got a full agenda of pretending to be productive.”
- “Just waiting for my Hogwarts letter, so until then, Netflix.”
- “Saving the world, one snack at a time.”
- “I was going to conquer the world, but then I got hungry.”
- “Today? Just trying not to trip over air.”
- “Probably winging it, like I do with everything.”
- “Going to achieve nothing, and I’ll do it with style.”
- “Just living my best lazy life.”
- “I was planning on being awesome, but I think I’ll just take a nap instead.”
- “I might take over the world, or just make a sandwich. We’ll see.”
- “Planning to break a world record in procrastination.”
- “Just here, trying to adult without a manual.”
- “I’m in a serious relationship with my couch today.”
- “Today’s all about not wearing real pants.”
- “Probably scrolling through memes and pretending I’m busy.”
- “Attempting to achieve ‘Netflix and chill’ without the chill.”
1. “I’m thinking about doing nothing, but I haven’t made a final decision yet.”
When you’re indecisive about committing to doing absolutely nothing.
Examples:
- “I might clean the house, or I might just stare at the ceiling for an hour.”
- “I could go out, or I could just stay in my pyjamas.”
- “The couch looks comfy, but the bed is also calling.”
2. “I’m booked solid with some serious napping.”
Sometimes, rest is the top priority, and napping is the only thing on the agenda.
Examples:
- “Got a nap scheduled at 2, another at 4, and maybe one more before dinner.”
- “I have back-to-back naps planned. No time for anything else.”
- “Sorry, can’t hang out today. My pillow needs me.”
3. “Probably trying to become a millionaire, but I’ll settle for finding socks that match.”
A humorous way to show ambition, but also a nod to life’s smaller victories.
Examples:
- “Gonna make a million, or maybe just find the remote.”
- “Millionaire dreams? Yeah, right after I find my car keys.”
- “I’ll take either the jackpot or some matching socks. Both seem equally hard to get.”
4. “World domination, but I’ll start with organizing my closet.”
Big plans always start somewhere, even if it’s in the smallest of places.
Examples:
- “If I can conquer this closet, the world is next.”
- “Step one: organize socks. Step two: take over the world.”
- “First, I tackle the mess in my room, then… who knows?”
5. “I’ve got a full agenda of pretending to be productive.”
Sometimes, looking busy is just as important as being busy—at least on the surface.
Examples:
- “I’ll shuffle some papers around, look important, and call it a day.”
- “Planning to stare at my to-do list until it does itself.”
- “I’ll make a coffee, sit down, and look like I’m doing something important.”
6. “Just waiting for my Hogwarts letter, so until then, Netflix.”
For those who still hold out hope for a little magic in their lives.
Examples:
- “Still no owl, so I guess I’ll watch ‘Harry Potter’ instead.”
- “Waiting for my Hogwarts acceptance has been a full-time job.”
- “The letter’s just late. Until it arrives, I’ll binge-watch my favourite series.”
7. “Saving the world, one snack at a time.”
Who says saving the world can’t involve snacks? Everyone needs fuel.
Examples:
- “First I’ll save myself with a snack, then I’ll consider saving others.”
- “I think I’ll start with some cookies, then I’ll tackle world hunger.”
- “Today’s hero? Me, because I found chips in the pantry.”
8. “I was going to conquer the world, but then I got hungry.”
Even the most ambitious plans can be interrupted by hunger.
Examples:
- “World domination can wait. I need a sandwich.”
- “Take over the world? Sure. After lunch.”
- “I had big plans, but I got sidetracked by pizza.”
9. “Today? Just trying not to trip over air.”
Sometimes, the only goal is making it through the day without embarrassing yourself.
Examples:
- “I nearly fell out of bed, so it’s been one of those days.”
- “If I can make it to noon without stumbling, it’ll be a good day.”
- “I’m just hoping I don’t walk into any walls today.”
10. “Probably winging it, like I do with everything.”
When you’re going with the flow and hoping for the best.
Examples:
- “No plans? No problem. I’ll just wing it.”
- “I’ll figure it out as I go, like I always do.”
- “The plan is… there is no plan. Let’s see what happens.”
11. “Going to achieve nothing, and I’ll do it with style.”
When laziness becomes an art form.
Examples:
- “If doing nothing was an Olympic sport, I’d win gold.”
- “I’ll achieve zero today, but I’ll look good doing it.”
- “My to-do list has nothing on it, and I plan to keep it that way.”
12. “Just living my best lazy life.”
Embracing the beauty of doing absolutely nothing.
Examples:
- “Pajamas all day? Yes, please.”
- “A lazy day on the couch sounds like perfection.”
- “Today’s goal: do nothing, and do it well.”
13. “I was planning on being awesome, but I think I’ll just take a nap instead.”
Ambition is great, but naps are better.
Examples:
- “I’ll be amazing tomorrow. Today, it’s nap time.”
- “I wanted to change the world, but my bed changed my mind.”
- “I’ll save the awesomeness for another day. Nap first.”
14. “I might take over the world, or just make a sandwich. We’ll see.”
Leaving the options wide open.
Examples:
- “World domination or grilled cheese? Tough choice.”
- “I’ll decide after lunch whether to conquer the planet.”
- “Let’s see how I feel after this sandwich.”
15. “Planning to break a world record in procrastination.”
When putting things off becomes a personal achievement.
Examples:
- “I’m already an hour behind schedule, so I’m on track.”
- “Why do something today that I can put off until next week?”
- “Procrastination is an art form, and I’m a master.”
16. “Just here, trying to adult without a manual.”
Adulting is hard, especially when there’s no guidebook.
Examples:
- “Bills, chores, responsibilities? Who signed me up for this?”
- “Still waiting for my adulting manual in the mail.”
- “I’m just winging adulthood one day at a time.”
17. “I’m in a serious relationship with my couch today.”
When the couch is your best friend for the day, and you’re not ashamed of it.
Examples:
- “Sorry, I have a date with my couch and a blanket.”
- “Today’s all about me, the couch, and Netflix.”
- “My couch is possessive, and I can’t break its heart.”
18. “Today’s all about not wearing real pants.”
When comfort is the ultimate goal, and pyjamas are the only dress code.
Examples:
- “Sweatpants all day—what more could I want?”
- “My real plans? Avoiding jeans at all costs.”
- “Pants with buttons? Not today, my friend.”
19. “Probably scrolling through memes and pretending I’m busy.”
When your day is filled with internet distractions instead of actual work.
Examples:
- “I’ll be busy pretending I’m working while looking at memes.”
- “My boss thinks I’m working; I’m just scrolling through funny cat videos.”
- “Memes are calling, and I must answer.”
20. “Attempting to achieve ‘Netflix and chill’ without the chill.”
When you’re binge-watching, but there’s no romantic subtext involved.
Examples:
- “It’s just me, Netflix, and a lot of snacks—no chill necessary.”
- “I’m planning a solo Netflix marathon.”
- “No chilling, just binging my favourite shows.”
Conclusion
Whether your day is full or free, these funny responses to “What are your plans today?” are sure to bring a smile to anyone’s face. From napping to imaginary world domination, life is all about how you frame it—and a little humour can turn even the most ordinary day into something fun. So next time someone asks about your plans, try one of these witty comebacks and let the laughter begin!
𝐈’𝐦 Ella Rose 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 “𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬 ” 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐫. 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬. 𝐈 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞. 𝐀𝐭 “𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬” 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. 𝐃𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐝𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐫.
Olivia Bloom 
Poppy Snow