Siblings often have a unique bond that thrives on playful teasing and banter. If you’re looking for some humorous roasts to share with your brother, you’ve come to the right place. These funny roasts are perfect for adding some laughter to your relationship while ensuring everyone knows it’s all in good fun!
Top List of Funny Roasts to Say to Your Brother
- You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, “Not now.”
- I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.
- You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.
- You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
- You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
- You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
- If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
- You’re like a broken pencil—pointless.
- You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
- I’d call you a tool, but that implies you’re actually useful.
- You’re like a candle in the wind—useless and annoying.
- You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
- You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
- If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.
- You’re like a software bug—nobody wants you around.
- If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
- You’re the human version of a participation trophy.
- You’re not even a has-been; you’re a never-was.
- If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d just check my text messages.
- You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo.
- You’re so dense, light bends around you.
- You’re like a software update—nobody wants to deal with you.
- I’d explain it to you, but I left my ‘How to Talk to Idiots’ book at home.
- You’re like a light switch—off most of the time.
- You’re so full of yourself, I can smell the ego from here.
1. “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
This roast humorously highlights the annoyance that often comes with constant software updates.
- Example 1: “Every time I see you, I feel like my computer asking for an update. Not now!”
- Example 2: “You know, you’re like a software update—always interrupting my peace.”
- Example 3: “I love how you think you’re the main character. You’re just an annoying pop-up!”
2. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.”
A funny way to suggest your brother might not understand complex ideas.
- Example 1: “I’d explain why you’re wrong, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.”
- Example 2: “Sorry, but I can’t talk to you without my Dingbat dictionary handy!”
- Example 3: “You’re lucky I don’t have my dictionary; it would take too long to translate!”
3. “You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.”
This roast playfully pokes fun at your brother’s lack of common sense.
- Example 1: “Sometimes I think you’re proof that evolution made a mistake, buddy.”
- Example 2: “Look at you—you’re living evidence that evolution has its flaws.”
- Example 3: “I swear, if Darwin saw you, he would rethink his theory!”
4. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
A humorous roast that highlights how some people can brighten a room just by leaving.
- Example 1: “Honestly, when you leave the room, it’s like the sun comes out!”
- Example 2: “You’re like a cloud—when you’re gone, it’s a perfect day!”
- Example 3: “You should consider a career as a weatherman because you bring the storms!”
5. “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
A playful way to suggest that your brother’s presence isn’t always welcome.
- Example 1: “Every time you walk out, I can hear the collective sigh of relief!”
- Example 2: “You know, you really bring joy to everyone when you leave!”
- Example 3: “I think you should take a permanent vacation—you’d really brighten our lives!”
6. “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.”
This roast implies your brother often makes poor decisions.
- Example 1: “Honestly, you’re not stupid; you just have really bad luck with thinking!”
- Example 2: “It’s not your fault you’re this way; you just rolled the wrong dice!”
- Example 3: “You’ve got the brains of a genius; they just keep taking breaks!”
7. “If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.”
A funny way to highlight your brother’s less-than-genius moments.
- Example 1: “Dude, if I had a dollar for every smart thing you said, I wouldn’t have a penny!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, I’d be richer if I had a dollar for every time you were smart.”
- Example 3: “You must be rich in debt because you rarely say anything smart!”
8. “You’re like a broken pencil—pointless.”
A classic way to imply that your brother is not contributing anything useful.
- Example 1: “You know, you’re like a broken pencil—completely pointless!”
- Example 2: “I swear, every time you talk, I feel like I’m using a broken pencil.”
- Example 3: “If you were any more useless, you’d be a broken pencil!”
9. “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.”
A humorous jab at your brother’s tendency to say ridiculous things.
- Example 1: “Remember, you have the right to remain silent because whatever you say is probably stupid!”
- Example 2: “You know, I’d advise you to stay quiet—your thoughts aren’t exactly gold.”
- Example 3: “Every time you speak, I hear the right to remain silent echoing!”
10. “I’d call you a tool, but that implies you’re actually useful.”
This roast implies that your brother isn’t really helpful at all.
- Example 1: “Honestly, I’d call you a tool, but that would imply you’re useful!”
- Example 2: “If I called you a tool, I’d be lying about your worth!”
- Example 3: “You know, I’d call you a tool, but that might boost your ego!”
11. “You’re like a candle in the wind—useless and annoying.”
A funny way to suggest that your brother’s presence is more bothersome than beneficial.
- Example 1: “Sometimes, I feel like you’re a candle in the wind—just annoying and useless!”
- Example 2: “You’re like a candle in the wind: flickering around without purpose!”
- Example 3: “Every time you show up, it feels like the wind blows out my candle!”
12. “You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
A classic roast that gets straight to the point.
- Example 1: “You know why God created the middle finger? It’s all because of you!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, you’re the reason we all have a middle finger!”
- Example 3: “Without you, I wouldn’t need to express myself this way!”
13. “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
A humorous way to highlight your brother’s lack of practicality.
- Example 1: “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine—completely pointless!”
- Example 2: “Sometimes, I wonder how you manage to be as useful as a screen door on a submarine!”
- Example 3: “You know, I think they designed screen doors on submarines after meeting you!”
14. “If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.”
This roast takes a playful jab at your brother’s intelligence.
- Example 1: “Honestly, if you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich!”
- Example 2: “Bro, you’re pushing the limits of sanity; if you were any more inbred, you’d be a sub!”
- Example 3: “I think the universe made a mistake; if you were any more inbred, you’d be a hoagie!”
15. “You’re like a software bug—nobody wants you around.”
A tech-related roast that’s sure to get a laugh.
- Example 1: “Honestly, you’re like a software bug—nobody wants you around!”
- Example 2: “You’re just a bug in the system, and we all want to debug you!”
- Example 3: “If you were a software bug, we’d all be trying to uninstall you!”
16. “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
This roast emphasizes your brother’s lack of intelligence.
- Example 1: “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose!”
- Example 2: “Sometimes I wonder if you were born in a dynamite factory—you’d still be empty!”
- Example 3: “I don’t mean to insult you, but if brains were dynamite, you’d be the silent type!”
17. “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”
This roast makes a point about your brother’s mediocrity in a humorous way.
- Example 1: “Honestly, you’re the human version of a participation trophy—just there for decoration!”
- Example 2: “I’d call you a winner, but let’s be real: you’re just a trophy for showing up!”
- Example 3: “You’re proof that everyone gets a prize, even if you don’t deserve it!”
18. “You’re not even a has-been; you’re a never-was.”
This roast is a funny way to imply that your brother never achieved much.
- Example 1: “You know, you’re not even a has-been; you’re more like a never-was!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, if they gave awards for non-achievements, you’d still be last!”
- Example 3: “You’re the poster child for never-was; you should get a medal for it!”
19. “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d just check my text messages.”
A humorous way to tell your brother he’s annoying.
- Example 1: “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d just check my text messages!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, I could get better advice from my group chat!”
- Example 3: “You’re like my text messages—always full of nonsense!”
20. “You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo.”
This roast humorously suggests that your brother lacks common sense.
- Example 1: “You know why they put instructions on shampoo? It’s all because of you!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, without you, they wouldn’t need to explain how to wash hair!”
- Example 3: “I swear, if they had a shampoo bottle just for you, it would come with a guide!”
21. “You’re so dense, light bends around you.”
This roast suggests your brother is not the brightest.
- Example 1: “Honestly, you’re so dense that light bends around you!”
- Example 2: “I didn’t know we were in the presence of such density!”
- Example 3: “You’re like a black hole; everything around you gets sucked in!”
22. “You’re like a software update—nobody wants to deal with you.”
A funny jab at your brother’s annoying habits.
- Example 1: “Sometimes I think you’re just a software update—nobody wants to deal with you!”
- Example 2: “You know, if you were a software update, I’d hit ‘remind me later’ every time!”
- Example 3: “You’re basically a pop-up ad in my life—always interrupting and never helpful!”
23. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my ‘How to Talk to Idiots’ book at home.”
This roast suggests your brother is often difficult to communicate with.
- Example 1: “Honestly, I’d explain it to you, but I left my ‘How to Talk to Idiots’ book at home!”
- Example 2: “You know, if I had my guide, this conversation would be much easier!”
- Example 3: “Without my book, it’s just like talking to a brick wall!”
24. “You’re like a light switch—off most of the time.”
This roast humorously points out your brother’s lack of brightness.
- Example 1: “Honestly, you’re like a light switch—off most of the time!”
- Example 2: “You should really consider getting yourself switched on more often!”
- Example 3: “Sometimes I wonder if I need to flip a switch to get you to think!”
25. “You’re so full of yourself, I can smell the ego from here.”
This roast playfully highlights your brother’s overconfidence.
- Example 1: “You know, you’re so full of yourself, I can smell the ego from here!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, if your ego had a scent, it would smell like a whole perfume shop!”
- Example 3: “I didn’t know they were serving ego with a side of arrogance today!”
Conclusion
Roasting your brother can be a hilarious way to bond and share some laughs. Remember, the key is to keep it light-hearted and fun! These funny roasts can add a spark to your conversations, but always ensure your brother knows you’re just joking. With a good sense of humor, these playful jabs can strengthen your relationship and create unforgettable memories together.
𝐈’𝐦 𝐎𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐚 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 “𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬 “𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐫. 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬. 𝐈 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞. 𝐀𝐭 “𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬” 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. 𝐃𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐝𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐫.
Poppy Snow