Siblings often have a unique bond that thrives on playful teasing and banter. If you’re looking for some humorous roasts to share with your brother, you’ve come to the right place. These 25 funny roasts are perfect for adding some laughter to your relationship while ensuring everyone knows it’s all in good fun!
Top List of Funny Roasts to Say to Your Brother
- You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, “Not now.”
- I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.
- You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.
- You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
- You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
- You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
- If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
- You’re like a broken pencilโpointless.
- You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
- I’d call you a tool, but that implies you’re actually useful.
- You’re like a candle in the windโuseless and annoying.
- You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
- You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
- If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.
- You’re like a software bugโnobody wants you around.
- If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
- You’re the human version of a participation trophy.
- You’re not even a has-been; you’re a never-was.
- If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d just check my text messages.
- You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo.
- You’re so dense, light bends around you.
- You’re like a software updateโnobody wants to deal with you.
- I’d explain it to you, but I left my ‘How to Talk to Idiots’ book at home.
- You’re like a light switchโoff most of the time.
- You’re so full of yourself, I can smell the ego from here.
1. “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
This roast humorously highlights the annoyance that often comes with constant software updates.
- Example 1: “Every time I see you, I feel like my computer asking for an update. Not now!”
- Example 2: “You know, you’re like a software updateโalways interrupting my peace.”
- Example 3: “I love how you think youโre the main character. You’re just an annoying pop-up!”
2. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.”
A funny way to suggest your brother might not understand complex ideas.
- Example 1: “Iโd explain why youโre wrong, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.”
- Example 2: “Sorry, but I canโt talk to you without my Dingbat dictionary handy!”
- Example 3: “You’re lucky I donโt have my dictionary; it would take too long to translate!”
3. “You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.”
This roast playfully pokes fun at your brother’s lack of common sense.
- Example 1: “Sometimes I think you’re proof that evolution made a mistake, buddy.”
- Example 2: “Look at youโyou’re living evidence that evolution has its flaws.”
- Example 3: “I swear, if Darwin saw you, he would rethink his theory!”
4. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
A humorous roast that highlights how some people can brighten a room just by leaving.
- Example 1: “Honestly, when you leave the room, itโs like the sun comes out!”
- Example 2: “You’re like a cloudโwhen youโre gone, itโs a perfect day!”
- Example 3: “You should consider a career as a weatherman because you bring the storms!”
5. “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
A playful way to suggest that your brother’s presence isnโt always welcome.
- Example 1: “Every time you walk out, I can hear the collective sigh of relief!”
- Example 2: “You know, you really bring joy to everyone when you leave!”
- Example 3: “I think you should take a permanent vacationโyou’d really brighten our lives!”
6. “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.”
This roast implies your brother often makes poor decisions.
- Example 1: “Honestly, you’re not stupid; you just have really bad luck with thinking!”
- Example 2: “Itโs not your fault youโre this way; you just rolled the wrong dice!”
- Example 3: “Youโve got the brains of a genius; they just keep taking breaks!”
7. “If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.”
A funny way to highlight your brother’s less-than-genius moments.
- Example 1: “Dude, if I had a dollar for every smart thing you said, I wouldnโt have a penny!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, Iโd be richer if I had a dollar for every time you were smart.”
- Example 3: “You must be rich in debt because you rarely say anything smart!”
8. “You’re like a broken pencilโpointless.”
A classic way to imply that your brother is not contributing anything useful.
- Example 1: “You know, youโre like a broken pencilโcompletely pointless!”
- Example 2: “I swear, every time you talk, I feel like I’m using a broken pencil.”
- Example 3: “If you were any more useless, you’d be a broken pencil!”
9. “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.”
A humorous jab at your brother’s tendency to say ridiculous things.
- Example 1: “Remember, you have the right to remain silent because whatever you say is probably stupid!”
- Example 2: “You know, Iโd advise you to stay quietโyour thoughts aren’t exactly gold.”
- Example 3: “Every time you speak, I hear the right to remain silent echoing!”
10. “I’d call you a tool, but that implies you’re actually useful.”
This roast implies that your brother isnโt really helpful at all.
- Example 1: “Honestly, I’d call you a tool, but that would imply you’re useful!”
- Example 2: “If I called you a tool, Iโd be lying about your worth!”
- Example 3: “You know, Iโd call you a tool, but that might boost your ego!”
11. “You’re like a candle in the windโuseless and annoying.”
A funny way to suggest that your brother’s presence is more bothersome than beneficial.
- Example 1: “Sometimes, I feel like youโre a candle in the windโjust annoying and useless!”
- Example 2: “Youโre like a candle in the wind: flickering around without purpose!”
- Example 3: “Every time you show up, it feels like the wind blows out my candle!”
12. “You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
A classic roast that gets straight to the point.
- Example 1: “You know why God created the middle finger? Itโs all because of you!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, you’re the reason we all have a middle finger!”
- Example 3: “Without you, I wouldnโt need to express myself this way!”
13. “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
A humorous way to highlight your brother’s lack of practicality.
- Example 1: “Youโre about as useful as a screen door on a submarineโcompletely pointless!”
- Example 2: “Sometimes, I wonder how you manage to be as useful as a screen door on a submarine!”
- Example 3: “You know, I think they designed screen doors on submarines after meeting you!”
14. “If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.”
This roast takes a playful jab at your brother’s intelligence.
- Example 1: “Honestly, if you were any more inbred, youโd be a sandwich!”
- Example 2: “Bro, you’re pushing the limits of sanity; if you were any more inbred, you’d be a sub!”
- Example 3: “I think the universe made a mistake; if you were any more inbred, you’d be a hoagie!”
15. “You’re like a software bugโnobody wants you around.”
A tech-related roast thatโs sure to get a laugh.
- Example 1: “Honestly, you’re like a software bugโnobody wants you around!”
- Example 2: “Youโre just a bug in the system, and we all want to debug you!”
- Example 3: “If you were a software bug, weโd all be trying to uninstall you!”
16. “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
This roast emphasizes your brother’s lack of intelligence.
- Example 1: “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose!”
- Example 2: “Sometimes I wonder if you were born in a dynamite factoryโyouโd still be empty!”
- Example 3: “I donโt mean to insult you, but if brains were dynamite, youโd be the silent type!”
17. “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”
This roast makes a point about your brotherโs mediocrity in a humorous way.
- Example 1: “Honestly, youโre the human version of a participation trophyโjust there for decoration!”
- Example 2: “Iโd call you a winner, but letโs be real: youโre just a trophy for showing up!”
- Example 3: “Youโre proof that everyone gets a prize, even if you donโt deserve it!”
18. “You’re not even a has-been; you’re a never-was.”
This roast is a funny way to imply that your brother never achieved much.
- Example 1: “You know, you’re not even a has-been; you’re more like a never-was!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, if they gave awards for non-achievements, you’d still be last!”
- Example 3: “Youโre the poster child for never-was; you should get a medal for it!”
19. “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d just check my text messages.”
A humorous way to tell your brother heโs annoying.
- Example 1: “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, Iโd just check my text messages!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, I could get better advice from my group chat!”
- Example 3: “Youโre like my text messagesโalways full of nonsense!”
20. “You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo.”
This roast humorously suggests that your brother lacks common sense.
- Example 1: “You know why they put instructions on shampoo? It’s all because of you!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, without you, they wouldnโt need to explain how to wash hair!”
- Example 3: “I swear, if they had a shampoo bottle just for you, it would come with a guide!”
21. “You’re so dense, light bends around you.”
This roast suggests your brother is not the brightest.
- Example 1: “Honestly, you’re so dense that light bends around you!”
- Example 2: “I didnโt know we were in the presence of such density!”
- Example 3: “Youโre like a black hole; everything around you gets sucked in!”
22. “You’re like a software updateโnobody wants to deal with you.”
A funny jab at your brotherโs annoying habits.
- Example 1: “Sometimes I think you’re just a software updateโnobody wants to deal with you!”
- Example 2: “You know, if you were a software update, I’d hit ‘remind me later’ every time!”
- Example 3: “Youโre basically a pop-up ad in my lifeโalways interrupting and never helpful!”
23. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my ‘How to Talk to Idiots’ book at home.”
This roast suggests your brother is often difficult to communicate with.
- Example 1: “Honestly, Iโd explain it to you, but I left my ‘How to Talk to Idiots’ book at home!”
- Example 2: “You know, if I had my guide, this conversation would be much easier!”
- Example 3: “Without my book, itโs just like talking to a brick wall!”
24. “You’re like a light switchโoff most of the time.”
This roast humorously points out your brother’s lack of brightness.
- Example 1: “Honestly, you’re like a light switchโoff most of the time!”
- Example 2: “You should really consider getting yourself switched on more often!”
- Example 3: “Sometimes I wonder if I need to flip a switch to get you to think!”
25. “You’re so full of yourself, I can smell the ego from here.”
This roast playfully highlights your brother’s overconfidence.
- Example 1: “You know, youโre so full of yourself, I can smell the ego from here!”
- Example 2: “Honestly, if your ego had a scent, it would smell like a whole perfume shop!”
- Example 3: “I didn’t know they were serving ego with a side of arrogance today!”
Conclusion
Roasting your brother can be a hilarious way to bond and share some laughs. Remember, the key is to keep it light-hearted and fun! These 25 funny roasts can add a spark to your conversations, but always ensure your brother knows youโre just joking. With a good sense of humor, these playful jabs can strengthen your relationship and create unforgettable memories together.
๐’๐ฆ ๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐ ๐๐ฅ๐จ๐จ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ “๐๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ฉ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐๐ฌ “๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฐ๐ ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ง ๐จ๐ซ๐๐ข๐ง๐๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ซ๐๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ฌ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ฑ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐จ๐ซ๐๐ข๐ง๐๐ซ๐ฒ ๐๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ. ๐๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ ๐๐ฅ๐๐ข๐ซ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐ก๐๐ซ๐ฉ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ฒ ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐๐๐๐๐ค๐ฌ. ๐ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐ข๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ณ๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐ฆ๐๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐๐๐ฅ๐. ๐๐ญ “๐๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ฉ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐๐ฌ” ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ข๐ง๐๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐๐จ๐ง๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐ฌ๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐๐ก๐๐ซ๐ฆ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ฅ๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ฌ. ๐๐ข๐ฏ๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ง ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐๐ค๐ ๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ฉ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ ๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ๐ ๐จ๐ง๐๐ฃ๐จ๐ข๐ง ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐๐ญ ๐๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฌ๐ฉ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐ ๐๐จ๐ฌ๐ ๐จ๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ๐๐ฎ๐ฅ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ.
Celia Anne 
Ella Rose